


Tech Talk

by Alucinatio



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Internet, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-08 19:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4317399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alucinatio/pseuds/Alucinatio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hogwarts has installed a computer system in its library. Within the Help Center Chat Room, an unlikely relationship is forming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

 

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Hello?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Is anyone there?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** ……………..

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom-_

**AccioB00k:** Nice username.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** About time somebody answered.

 **AccioB00k:** Sorry I was helping out another student. Since these new computers were installed in the library, the Help Center’s been flooded with issues…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Alrite, I didn’t need to hear your life’s story.

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Shit

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** Are you going to treat me with a little more respect?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** No promises…but considering I need to hand in this paper tomorrow morning it’s your lucky day.

 **AccioB00k:** Oh joy

 **AccioB00k:** What’s your problem?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** It’s not a problem. It’s more of a question.

 **AccioB00k:** You wouldn’t have contacted the Help Center if it was simply a question.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about me.

 **AccioB00k:** And I have no interest to learn. What’s your ‘question’?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Ouch, now that stung a little.

 **AccioB00k:** Look, I don’t have all day.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Alright, alright. So basically Professor Slughorn wants this paper on the various types of potion ingredients due tomorrow in his class.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** And the desktop is just so complicated. There are so many options and the only thing worth looking at is Internet Explorer.

 **AccioB00k:** Alright, I didn’t ask for your life’s story.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Well, well, we have a cheeky little bastard don’t we ;)

 **AccioB00k:** The only cheeky one here is the one that just sent a winky face.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** My finger slipped!

 **AccioB00k:** Riiiighhhtt

 **AccioB00k:** Anyways, you using Internet Explorer was your first problem. You do know you should use any internet browser EXCEPT that one right? It’ll just frustrate you.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I happen to like Internet Explorer, thank you very much!

 **AccioB00k:** Nobody likes Internet Explorer

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Touché

 **AccioB00k:** I’m guessing your problem is that you don’t know where to type your paper?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I wouldn’t call it a PROBLEM…

 **AccioB00k:** Didn’t you pay any attention during the Intro to Computers class every student had to take?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** If you knew me irl you wouldn’t be asking that question

 **AccioB00k:** The program you want to use is called Microsoft Word

 **SlytherInYourPants:** That doesn’t really help

 **AccioB00k:** The icon is a giant blue W

 **SlytherInYourPants:** …icon?

 **AccioB00k:** My god, you’re hopeless

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Hey, you’re supposed to be my knight in shining armor here!

 **AccioB00k:** An icon is like the picture of the application.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** ….application?

 **AccioB00k:** ….okay let’s use Internet Explorer as an example

 **SlytherInYourPants:** But I thought you said not to use it cause nobody likes it?

 **AccioB00k:** Key word is ‘example’. Since that’s the only thing you’ve managed to figure out how to work properly

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Again, ouch.

 **AccioB00k:** So Internet Explorer itself is an application. The icon is the picture of the lowercase E. You follow?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** …what does this have to do with me typing my essay?

 **AccioB00k:** Find the picture of the blue W

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Is this it?

 **AccioB00k:** I can’t see

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Oh yeah…

 **AccioB00k:** When you click on it, after it loads, you should see a blank white screen you can type on.

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Finally!

 **AccioB00k:** Did it work?

SlytherInYourPants: Yes! I can get that stupid essay out of the way now!

 **AccioB00k:** Is there something you’d like to say to me?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Bye!

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_

**AccioB00k:** I was looking for something like ‘thank you’….

_- **HerbLife** has entered the chatroom- _

**HerbLife:** Um…what do you do if the computer you previously used erupted into flames?

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_


	2. Follow Me On Twitter!

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** HELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLO

**SlytherInYourPants:** HELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLO

**SlytherInYourPants:** HELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLO

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom-_

**AccioB00k:** omg WHAT IS IT?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Oh, we meet again :D

**AccioB00k:** Unfortunately

**AccioB00k:** What’s the problem now?

**SlytherInYourPants:** How do you know I didn’t just come here to talk to you? ;)

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Shit, come on!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I was joking Dx

**SlytherInYourPants:** HELLOHELLOHELLOHELLOHELLO

**SlytherInYourPants:** HELLOHELLOHELLO

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** OMG WHY WON’T YOU STOP?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Cause I’m a Slytherin, I’m ambitious!

**AccioB00k:** And I’m a Gryffindor which means I’m not scared to punch you in the face

**SlytherInYourPants:** You can try but I don’t think you’d have much success virtually!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wait…you’re a Gryffindor?!

**AccioB00k:** Yes, why?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Nothing it’s just…

**SlytherInYourPants:** From your username I thought you’d be a Ravenclaw

**AccioB00k:** Do you have an issue that needs help or not?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Yes I do!

**AccioB00k:** ???

**SlytherInYourPants:** Twitter

**AccioB00k:** Twitter?

**SlytherInYourPants:** How do I get more followers on Twitter? :’(

**AccioB00k:** You’ve GOT to be kidding me

**AccioB00k:** You do know that this is a Help Center for tech issues like viruses, lag, help surfing the web, etc.

**AccioB00k:** I don’t have time to help you with your social networking issues!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Come on, pleeeeaaaaaassseee!!!

**SyltherInYourPants:** I just don’t understand! I’m cool, funny, handsome, what else is there I have to be to get more followers?!

**AccioB00k:** You probably don’t have any followers because you don’t have anything interesting to say

**SlytherInYourPants:** Harsh

**AccioB00k:** Just stating the facts

**SlytherInYourPants:** Well what am I supposed to do then?!

**AccioB00k:** Unless you have an actual technical issue, I can’t help you!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Ugh….fine.

**AccioB00k:** …are you still here?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m trying to think of something!

**AccioB00k:** Well do it on your own time! I have other people to help!

**AccioB00k:** People who actually need it!

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Feisty…

_- **HerbLife** has entered the chatroom-_

**HerbLife:** Hello?

**HerbLife:** The computer blew up again

**HerbLife:** Help

**SlytherInYourPants:** Oh, piss off LongBottom!

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom- _

**HerbLife:** D:


	3. SlytherIn No More

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Hello? Hello? Hello?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I need some assistance here!

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** Can you not read the ‘Please wait for a few moments’ instruction? Or are you just that bad at following basic instructions?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Well, well, if it isn’t Ms. AccioB00k.

**AccioB00k:** How’d you know I was a girl?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Only a girl would have a username about reading.

**AccioB00k:** I don’t think that’s very accurate coming from someone who’s not even a female

**SlytherInYourPants:** Hey, how’d you know I was a guy?!

**AccioB00k:** Only a guy would have a username as vulgar as yours. How’d you even get that past the teachers?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Don’t worry about it.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Anyways, you’re a girl, I’m a guy… This is suddenly getting interesting ;)

**AccioB00k:** What’s your tech issue?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Fine, I can take a hint to back off.

**AccioB00k:** I’m seconds away from signing out.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wait!!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I need help

**SlytherInYourPants:** There I said it

**AccioB00k:** That’s more like it. Now, why are you here?

**SlytherInYourPants:** What’s an e-mail?

**AccioB00k:** It’s like a way for you to send messages to other people

**SlytherInYourPants:** Like this?

**AccioB00k:** Well, not really. Longer messages.

**SlytherInYourPants:** I see…

**AccioB00k:** Why are you asking? Don’t you already have an e-mail?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I do?

**AccioB00k:** You wouldn’t really be able to talk to me if you didn’t…

**SlytherInYourPants:** THIS is my e-mail?!

**AccioB00k:** Why are you so shocked?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Professor McGonagall wants me to e-mail her pictures of a jackalope because she doesn’t believe they’re real.

**AccioB00k:** Well, they’re considered to be extinct

**SlytherInYourPants:** You have your beliefs, and I have mine.

**AccioB00k:** So what’s the issue here?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Have you NOT seen my username?!

**AccioB00k:** Oh yeah…sucks to be you, bye!

**SlytherInYourPants:** WAAAAAIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!

**AccioB00k:** What?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** You have to help me D’:

**AccioB00k:** Last time I checked, I don’t HAVE to do anything.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Just teach me how to make a new e-mail!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’ll take you on a date if you do!

**AccioB00k:** I’ll help you if you WON’T take me out, deal?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’ll take what I can get!

**AccioB00k:** Alright. First you just have to click sign up on the website.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Okay…next?

**AccioB00k:** It should ask for personal information. Like name, date of birth, etc.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Is it safe to give this stuff out?

**AccioB00k:** Which is safer? Inputting that information or e-mailing Professor McGonagall with an erotic username?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’d call it inappropriate…

**AccioB00k:** Just type it in the boxes

**SlytherInYourPants:** Fine, fine…

**SlytherInYourPants:** What’s a…cell-phone number?

**AccioB00k:** Just ignore that. Are you done yet?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I think so?

**AccioB00k:** What’d you choose as your new username?

**SlytherInYourPants:** It’s not my new username. It’s just the account I’ll use to talk to professors!

**SlytherInYourPants:** You know, so I don’t get detention.

**AccioB00k:** Great. At least I don’t have to stare at your horrible username for much longer

**SlytherInYourPants:** You really hit where it hurts, ma’am.

**AccioB00k:** I try

**AccioB00k:** Well, if that’s all you need I guess I’ll be going

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wait

**SlytherInYourPants:** No

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wait

**AccioB00k:** WHAT?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** How do you write an e-mail?

**AccioB00k:** Are you serious right now?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m always serious!

**AccioB00k:** I find that hard to believe with a username like that

**SlytherInYourPants:** Again with the insults!

**AccioB00k:** Look, there should be an option called ‘Compose’ on the site. Most likely on the left side.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Okay…now what?

**AccioB00k:** Follow the instructions

**SlytherInYourPants:** If I could just follow the instructions, I wouldn’t be having trouble!

**AccioB00k:** I wish you could see the look on my face right now -.-

**SlytherInYourPants:** Same here, I’m sure your face is very beautiful despite whatever expression crosses it

**SlytherInYourPants:** Hello?

**SlytherInYourPants:** ….are you still there?

**AccioB00k:** YES! I had to

**AccioB00k:** I had to kill a bug

**SlytherInYourPants:** Alright then…well I still have an e-mail I have no idea how to send so…

**AccioB00k:** Right, right. Well first in the To: box you just write the e-mail of whoever your messaging. So Professor McGonagall’s e-mail.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Alright…last question, promise.

**AccioB00k:** I highly doubt your promises.

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m just going to mistake your insults for flirtation from now on ;)

**AccioB00k:** Please don’t

**SlytherInYourPants:** My question is: how do I put pictures in this e-mail?

**AccioB00k:** Is there an icon of a paperclip at the bottom of the screen?

**SlytherInYourPants:** A…paperclip?

**SlytherInYourPants:** What the hell is a paperclip?!

**AccioB00k:** ……………..

**SlytherInYourPants:** HEEEELLLLOOOO???

**SlytherInYourPants:** I don’t have all day here!

**AccioB00k:** It’s like a…twisty thing used to hold papers

**SlytherInYourPants:** ‘Twisty thing’ isn’t exactly helpful

**AccioB00k:** Just hover your cursor over anything until ‘Attachment’ appears above it!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Oh! So that’s a paperclip?!

**AccioB00k:** Are you done yet?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Yeah…I think I’ve got the hang of this e-mail thing!

**AccioB00k:** Good, and would you mind me asking what more appropriate username you chose?

**SlytherInYourPants:** **DaddysBoy**

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Was it something I said?

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_


	4. Slyther and Accio

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** AYUDA ME!! AYUDA ME!!!

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** Since when did you learn Spanish?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** You again? I was hoping to get someone different…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Wait wait wait!

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Don’t go I was kidding :(

 **AccioB00k:** How’d you know I was going to leave?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I can sense your actions by now!

 **AccioB00k:** Great, isn’t that wonderful? -.-

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** Hello??

 **AccioB00k:** Slyther?

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Oh, are we on a nickname basis now??

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Sorry about that, Accio.

 **AccioB00k:** What happened?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** The connection is shit. It keeps cutting on and off

 **SlytherInYourPants:** That’s what I came here to get help on

 **AccioB00k:** Well I can’t really help with the library’s connection…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Wait…why is your connection so good? You haven’t been

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom- _

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Ugh, you haven’t been cutting out like this!

 **AccioB00k:** I’m not using the library’s wifi. There’s one that works perfectly fine in the Gryffindor common room :)

 **AccioB00k:** The Slytherins’ don’t have that in theirs?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Considering we’re located in the dungeons, it’s a little hard to get a connection down there…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Wait, so how are we IMing right now?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Don’t you need to use the school’s computers? Which are only found at the library?

 **AccioB00k:** Well I have a laptop, soooo

 **SlytherInYourPants:** A…lap…top?

 **AccioB00k:** You’ve never heard of a laptop?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** The term probably just…slipped my mind

 **SlytherInYourPants:** To save time, why don’t you just refresh my memory?

 **AccioB00k:** It’s like a small, thin computer you can carry around. I got it for my birthday

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I see…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Your extensive knowledge of these strange things hint that you’re

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_

**AccioB00k:** Slyther?

 **AccioB00k:** Did you leave???

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** No, no. The connection was lost for a few minutes…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I spent that time reading some books behind me

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I learned a lot about the anatomy of a griffin!

 **AccioB00k:** You were saying something before?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Oh…right…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I was saying that due to your strange knowledge…you must be Muggle-born

 **AccioB00k:** Does that bother you?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** No it doesn’t…

 **SlytherInYourPants:** My father used to tell me that Muggle-borns, or what he referred to as Mudbloods, didn’t belong in the Wizarding World. They were outsiders

 **SlytherInYourPants:** But even now, all these years later, I can’t see an incredible difference between Muggle-borns, Half-bloods, and Pure-bloods besides where they come from.

 **AccioB00k:** You’re right…there isn’t much of a difference is there?

 **AccioB00k:** You know, Slyther, you’re not all that bad

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** Slyther??

 **AccioB00k:** Hello? You there??

 **AccioB00k:** Damn…

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_


	5. Study Sessions

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Accio!! I know you’re in here!! ;)

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** HOW do you always find me?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I have my ways!

**AccioB00k:** This help center randomly generates pairs

**SlytherInYourPants:** Maybe it’s fate then…

**AccioB00k:** What do you want now?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Say, Accio, you seem like a smart gal

**AccioB00k:** Well thanks, I am

**SlytherInYourPants:** What are your thoughts on the importance of pronunciation when casting spells?

**AccioB00k:** Oh! Well I think it’s very important!

**AccioB00k:** Pronunciation is one of the major factors in casting spells. If you pronounce a spell wrong, it increases the chance of said spell backfiring on you. Also

**AccioB00k:** Waaaiiiitt a minute…

**SlytherInYourPants:** Why? What’s wrong?

**AccioB00k:** This doesn’t happen to be a question on the charms assignment students were given today is it?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I have no idea what you’re talking about

**SlytherInYourPants:** Okay fine it is! Take your finger off the Leave Conversation button!

**AccioB00k:** This is a Tech Support Center not some tutoring program!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Please? Just do me a solid!

**AccioB00k:** And what have you ever done for me?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’ve been a source of happiness and amusement?

**AccioB00k:** Leaving the chat room in 3…2…

**SlytherInYourPants:** NO!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Look I really need help on this assignment

**SlytherInYourPants:** And I don’t really know any other smart people…so…

**AccioB00k:** Aw I’m blushing

**SlytherInYourPants:** Really?

**AccioB00k:** No

**AccioB00k:** But I take pity on you, so I’ll help.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Yes!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I just need help with a couple questions

**AccioB00k:** Usually when someone tells me that, I end up giving them answers to the whole packet.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Well I’m not THAT stupid. I at least know some stuff…

**AccioB00k:** Alright, what are the questions you need help on?

**SlytherInYourPants:** What’s the name of the Disarming Charm?

**AccioB00k:** ….

**AccioB00k:** You can’t be serious

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m not! Geez, give me some credit!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m stuck on this question: What is the jinx used to levitate a person, specifically by their ankles, and its counter-jinx?

**AccioB00k:** Oh that’s easy. So you know that spell you probably learned in your first year, Wingardium Leviosa?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Yes, what about it?

**AccioB00k:** Well a hint for this spell would be the second word in that one. Leviosa. More specifically, it’s prefix _Levi._

**SlytherInYourPants:** And you’re talking to me about prefixes…because?

**AccioB00k:** _Levi_ in Latin means lift. So you just need the Latin for body and you’ll have your answer.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wow, you’re right, it is easy!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Except for one thing.

**SlytherInYourPants:** I don’t speak fucking Latin.

**AccioB00k:** Well you should start; it’s an essential part of learning spells.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Can’t you just spit out the answer, please?

**AccioB00k:** Fine

**AccioB00k:** Levicorpus

**SlytherInYourPants:** Thank you!

**SlytherInYourPants:** So I’m guessing the counter-jinx is something corpus?

**AccioB00k:** Correct. The prefix is the Latin word for free.

**AccioB00k:** Libera

**SlytherInYourPants:** Liberacorpus. Interesting…

**AccioB00k:** See? You’ve got the hang of it!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Well it’s not even hard…

**AccioB00k:** Oh? So you’re fine then? Alright, bye!

**SlytherInYourPants:** WAIT

**AccioB00k:** WHAT?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Nothing ;)

**SlytherInYourPants:** Just pulling your leg!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Haha

**SlytherInYourPants:** Hello?

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** You gotta learn to take a joke, Accio! xD

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom- _


	6. Slippery Fingers

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** ACCIOACCIOACCIOACCIOACCIOACCIOACCIOACCIOACCIO

**SlytherInYourPants:** ACCIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** Alright, are you jinxing the system somehow?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** No! I’m appalled you’d suggest that!

**AccioB00k:** Then how do I keep chatting with you in this help center EVERY TIME?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Like I said before it’s fate ;)

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wait, wait, wait I have a serious problem this time!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Scout’s honor!

**AccioB00k:** What do you want?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Is there any way to privately IM someone?

**SlytherInYourPants:** You know, have a one-on-one with them?

**AccioB00k:** Yes there is

**AccioB00k:** But if you’re going to use it to message and annoy me outside of here, don’t bother!

**AccioB00k:** Having you randomly pop into this help center is irritating enough  >.<

**SlytherInYourPants:** Calm your horses, darling

**SlytherInYourPants:** It’s not like you’re the only girl I can talk to through IM ;)

**AccioB00k:** Oh really?

**AccioB00k:** Sorry if I didn’t assume you’d have a long line of delusional girls in front of you

**AccioB00k:** You don’t seem like the type to

**SlytherInYourPants:** Once again…OUCH

**SlytherInYourPants:** For your information I DO have a long line of girls!

**SlytherInYourPants:** A looong line of girls just waiting for me to message them hehe

**AccioB00k:** Please don’t ever type ‘hehe’ again

**AccioB00k:** It makes you seem more sadistic than you already come off as -.-

**SlytherInYourPants:** Anyways, I just don’t know how to message them :/

**AccioB00k:** You know where your contacts list is right?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Yes, I’m not blind! It’s the big tab that says CONTACTS

**AccioB00k:** Good, nice to know your IQ is average

**SlytherInYourPants:** Haha very funny

**SlytherInYourPants:** Or should I say hehe

**SlytherInYourPants:** SORRY SORRY DON’T LEAVE

**AccioB00k:** That’s more like it ;)

**SlytherInYourPants:** DID YOU JUST WINK

**AccioB00k:** NO! MY FINGER SLIPPED

**SlytherInYourPants:** Ooookaaaay whatever you saaaaay ;)

**AccioB00k:** LOOK, once you go on contacts just click and find your friend’s username

**AccioB00k:** Or to add them just type the username in the Add Contact bar

**AccioB00k:** Then right-click and find the option to Chat. Okay? BYE

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom- _

**SlytherInYourPants:** Right-click?! What the hell is a right-click?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Accio?

**SlytherInYourPants:** ACCIO

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_


	7. I AM FUN

_You are now chatting with AccioB00k_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Accio! Hey!

**AccioB00k:** Are you serious?!

**AccioB00k:** I thought I made it clear not to message me outside of the help center?!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Just listen!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Or read…I suppose

**AccioB00k:** WHAT IS IT?!

**AccioB00k:** I’m a very busy person I don’t have all day!

**SlytherInYourPants:** See? That’s your problem, Accio! You don’t know how to relax!

**AccioB00k:** I know how to relax!

**AccioB00k:** I make sure to always have a lavender scented candle burning when I study

**AccioB00k:** So ha

**SlytherInYourPants:** ……….

**SlytherInYourPants:** Are you for real?

**AccioB00k:** What?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Let me rephrase myself

**SlytherInYourPants:** You don’t know how to have fun

**AccioB00k:** I resent that!

**AccioB00k:** I’ll have you know, I’m a PRO at bingo!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wow

**SlytherInYourPants:** Just

**SlytherInYourPants:** Wow

**AccioB00k:** What does it matter to you anyways?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Because you’ve helped me with my studies

**SlytherInYourPants:** So now it’s my turn!

**AccioB00k:** Turn to do…what?

**SlytherInYourPants:** To teach!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m going to show you a good time!

**AccioB00k:** I’m not going out with you

**SlytherInYourPants:** Geez! I didn’t mean it like that!

**SlytherInYourPants:** And btw, my heart’s broken now…

**AccioB00k:** Well what did you mean by ‘good time’?

**SlytherInYourPants:**

**AccioB00k:** That’s a cat

**SlytherInYourPants:** Correction: Burrito Kitteh

**AccioB00k:** It’s a cat

**AccioB00k:** Is this what you do with your computer time?

**AccioB00k:** Shouldn’t you be researching for your Potions essay?

**SlytherInYourPants:**

**SlytherInYourPants:** This is what I’m talking about

**SlytherInYourPants:** No fun

**SlytherInYourPants:** This is me: 

**SlytherInYourPants:** And this is you: 

**AccioB00k:** GOODBYE, Slyther

**AccioB00k:** And DON’T IM me again!

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:**

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_


	8. The Magic Word Please

_You are now chatting with AccioB00k_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Sup!

**AccioB00k:** If you’re going to spam me with more cat pictures I swear I’m going to block you!

**SlytherInYourPants:** I wasn’t SPAMMING you I sent like…six pictures!

**SlytherInYourPants:** And that’s actually what I wanted to ask you about…

**AccioB00k:** What? Blocking?

**AccioB00k:** The girls getting too much for you there, Slyther?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Yes

**SlytherInYourPants:** Well just one…she’s driving me crazy.

**AccioB00k:** Aww, sounds like you’re in love

**SlytherInYourPants:** Nope, definitely not. It’s completely one-sided.

**SlytherInYourPants:** And that one side is insane

**SlytherInYourPants:** INSANE

**AccioB00k:** Hey, I bet she’s a perfectly normal person.

**AccioB00k:** You’re probably just exaggerating

**SlytherInYourPants:** She’s written down the times when I’m online so she can talk to me

**AccioB00k:** Okay that’s a little odd…how do you know that?

**SlytherInYourPants:** She told me

**SlytherInYourPants:** And gives me a look whenever she sits down across from me

**SlytherInYourPants:** And continues to stare at me as I work

**AccioB00k:** But do you work? Do you REALLY?

**SlytherInYourPants:** That’s not the point, Accio!

**SlytherInYourPants:** The point is, I’m at the point where I fear for my life

**SlytherInYourPants:** Or at least my sanity…

**AccioB00k:** Honestly, she sounds like she just has a crush.

**SlytherInYourPants:** Oh, she’s definitely going to crush something.

**AccioB00k:** I’m just not buying that she’s truly that crazy.

**AccioB00k:** You tend to exaggerate things…

**SlytherInYourPants:** Point taken

**SlytherInYourPants:** BUT I’m being completely serious

**AccioB00k:** You didn’t even say the magic word!

**SlytherInYourPants:** What? Avada Kedavra?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I tried that on her…I missed.

**AccioB00k:** SLYTHER! THAT’S AN UNFORGIVABLE CURSE!!!

**AccioB00k:** YOU COULD GO TO AZKABAN!!!

**AccioB00k:** FOR LIFE!!!

**AccioB00k:** OR WORSE

**AccioB00k:** EXPELLED!!!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Woah there, Accio!

**SlytherInYourPants:** Merlin’s Beard, I was JOKING! xD

**AccioB00k:** Not funny

**SlytherInYourPants:** Look…tell you what

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’ll invite this girl to our chat

**SlytherInYourPants:** And you can see for yourself how bloody crazy she is!

**AccioB00k:** Um…I don’t think that’s a good idea

**SlytherInYourPants:** It’s a great idea! See ya later!

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom- _

**AccioB00k:** I could just tell you now how to block someone

**AccioB00k:** Aaaannnnndd you’re gone

**AccioB00k:** Crap.

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_


	9. A New Challenger Approaches!

_You are now chatting with **AccioB00k**_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Are you ready?

A **ccioB00k:** Ready? Ready for what?

_- **QueenB** has entered the chatroom-_

**QueenB:** Hello? :D  <3

 **AccioB00k:** Uh hi

 **QueenB:** O.o

 **QueenB:** Who are you?!

 **AccioB00k:** Uh…Slyther?

 **AccioB00k:** SLYTHER

 **AccioB00k:** I’m sorry… I think he disappeared

_- **QueenB** has left the chatroom-_

**AccioB00k:** Uh

 **SlytherInYourPants:** SEE?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** What did I tell you?

 **SlytherInYourPants:** COMPLETELY crazy

 **AccioB00k:** What are you even talking about?

 **AccioB00k:** She literally said four words

 **AccioB00k:** And some emoticons

 **SlytherInYourPants:** No no no you don’t understand

 **AccioB00k:** No I DO understand

 **AccioB00k:** You’re just full of it

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Actually won’t argue against that

 **SlytherInYourPants:** But I’m serious about this that girl is insane!

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I NEED HER BLOCKED

 **SlytherInYourPants:** It’ll help me endure her irl

 **AccioB00k:** I honestly don’t see a problem

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Well you only talked to her for a second!

 **AccioB00k:** Correction – I didn’t even talk to her.

 **AccioB00k:** She got confused and left as any NORMAL person would

 **SlytherInYourPants:** JUST TRUST ME ON THIS

 **AccioB00k:** I don’t really trust you with anything

 **SlytherInYourPants:** :(

 **AccioB00k:** Are we done here?

 **AccioB00k:** Because I have actual tech problems to solve in the help center

 **AccioB00k:** I don’t have time to discuss your love life with you

 **SlytherInYourPants:** D:

 **SlytherInYourPants:** How about I invite you to our chat!

 **SlytherInYourPants:** You don’t have to say ANYTHING! Just watch and judge for yourself!!

 **AccioB00k:** GOODBYE SLYTHER

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** You’re the only person I can turn to right now Accio…

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be gone on a road trip for about 5 days so I'll be inactive. Don't worry though I'll keep update when I get back! Thank you so much for the good feedback it makes me smile every time I read a comment <3


	10. BLOCKED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back from my trip!! Thank you all so much for the positive comments it really makes my day :D I honestly can't believe so many people are interested in this fic haha I love you all and enjoy this chapter <3

_- **AccioB00k** has entered the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** I don’t know I just need some space, okay?

 

 **QueenB:** Who’s that?

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Don’t worry about it, it’s just us talking right now

 

 **QueenB:** No, no, I WILL worry about it

 

 **QueenB:** You haven’t talked to me in weeks; you avoid me when I walk to you in the wall

 

 **QueenB:** Why have you been ignoring me, did I do something wrong?

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** You threatened a poor girl until she stayed up until 2 in the morning making me cookies

 

 **QueenB:** I thought you liked that kind of stuff!

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I don’t even like cookies!

 

 **QueenB:** I meant the power

 

 **QueenB:** The ability to snap your fingers and make something happen

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I saw that girl today

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Her eyes were red from crying and she ran past me as if I was a beast

 

 **QueenB:** WHO CARES?! xD

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** What did you do to her?

 

 **QueenB:** I just reminded her of her place is all

 

 **SytherInYourPants:** You don’t mean…

 

 **QueenB:** She was a Mudblood!

 

 **QueenB:** They don’t deserve to be here anyway might as well put them to work

 

 **QueenB:** I thought you understood that…why are you acting so weird?

 

 **AccioB00k:** Mudbloods DO deserve to be here

 

 **AccioB00k:** A wand chose us, the Sorting Hat sorted us, we have just as much the right to attend this school as Purebloods

 

 **QueenB:** Who the hell are you?!

 

 **AccioB00k:** The question who the hell are you to discriminate and bully others. What right do YOU have to that?

 

 **QueenB:** Filthy Mudblood you probably hacked your way into this chat don’t you have something better to do?

 

 **AccioB00k:** Don’t you have something better to do than make baseless accusations?

 

 **AccioB00k:** Has it ever crossed your mind that your little obsession doesn’t share your beliefs?

 

 **AccioB00k:** That he GASP has a friendship with a FILTHY MUDBLOOD

 

 **QueenB:** You must be really stupid

 

 **QueenB:** He’s a member of one of the most prestigious Pureblood families in the Wizarding World

 

 **QueenB:** I’ve watched him put Mudbloods in their place since we first came to Hogwarts  <3

 

 **QueenB:** People as passionate as him don’t just change their minds

 

 **QueenB:** People who are such GOOD FRIENDS should’ve shared stuff like this

 

_- **QueenB** has been kicked from the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Woah…what just happened?!

 

 **AccioB00k:** I kicked her out of the chat

 

 **AccioB00k:** To block a user you just find their name in your Contacts list

 

 **AccioB00k:** Right-click and find the option to block and then you’re done

 

 **AccioB00k:** And Slyther?

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Yeah?

 

 **AccioB00k:** I’m blocking you

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Haha very funny xD

 

 **AccioB00k:** No it’s NOT funny

 

 **AccioB00k:** I thought you understood that blood status doesn’t matter

 

 **AccioB00k:** I thought you were being serious but you were lying the entire time

 

 **AccioB00k:** I thought we were friends

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** What are you talking about? Of course we’re friends!

 

 **AccioB00k:** Apparently we’re not

 

 **AccioB00k:** Because I’m just a filthy Mudblood

 

_- **AccioB00k** has left the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Accio!

 

_-Cannot chat with **AccioB00k** -_

**SlytherInYourPants:** At least let me explain!

 

_-Cannot chat with **AccioB00k** -_

_-Cannot chat with **AccioB00k** -_

_-Cannot chat with **AccioB00k** -_


	11. On The Hunt

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Accio?! ACCIO?!

 

_- **CleverKid** has entered the chatroom-_

**CleverKid:** Hello! How can I help you today?

 

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** ACCIO

 

_- **HearMeRoar** has entered the chatroom-_

 

 **HearMeRoar:** Welcome to the Tech Help Center! What’s your problem? :D

 

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has entered the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Accio Accio!

 

_- **HoneyDew** has entered the chatroom-_

**HoneyDew:** Hiya! :) What seems to be the issue?

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Dammit the spell didn’t work…

 

 **HoneyDew:** Spell?

 

 **HoneyDew:** Computers are complicated they can’t be fixed with a simple flick of the wand! :D

 

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_

_Welcome to the Hogwarts Technology Help Center. Please wait a few moments for a Tech Helper to assist you. For any further questions please contact Arthur Weasley at the Department of Muggle Studies in the Ministry of Magic._

_-_ **SlytherInYourPants** _has entered the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** ACCIO PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE IN HERE

 

_-_ **UnderDog** _has entered the chatroom-_

**UnderDog:** Welcome to the

 

 **UnderDog:** Oh my god it’s you

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** You know me?!

 

 **UnderDog:** I know OF you

 

 **UnderDog:** What the hell are you doing here?

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** I’m looking for someone

 

 **UnderDog:** She’s busy

 

 **UnderDog:** Leave her alone

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Wait do you know Accio?!

 

 **UnderDog:** Yes I do

 

 **UnderDog:** And I DEFINITELY know she doesn’t want to talk to you

 

 **UnderDog:** So sod off

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Fine fine I will but can you just please tell her

 

 **SlytherInYourPants:** Tell her I’m sorry

 

_- **UnderDog** has left the chatroom-_

**SlytherInYourPants:** Dammit

 

_- **SlytherInYourPants** has left the chatroom-_


	12. A Second Chance is All He Asks

_You are now chatting with **AccioB00k**_

****

**UnderDog:** Sup

 

 **UnderDog:** Can I ask you a question?

 

 **AccioB00k:** If it’s to help you steal Fred and George’s brooms again this summer the answer is still no

 

 **AccioB00k:** You do it just fine on your own anyway

 

 **UnderDog:** No no it’s not that haha

 

 **UnderDog:** Thanks for the compliment tho

 

 **AccioB00k:** No problem lol

 

 **AccioB00k:** If it’s not that then what is it Ginny?

 

 **UnderDog:** I talked to Slyther

 

 **UnderDog:** He was looking all over for you in the Tech Center

 

 **UnderDog:** Hermione??

 

 **AccioB00k:** I’m still here sorry I

 

 **AccioB00k:** There was a bug on my screen

 

 **UnderDog:** That would probably work on an idiot like Ron but not me

 

 **UnderDog:** Look, I know you don’t want to talk about this

 

 **UnderDog:** But that doesn’t make this problem go away

 

 **AccioB00k:** I know

 

 **AccioB00k:** I was hurt okay? I need time to heal

 

 **UnderDog:** He told me to tell you he’s sorry

 

 **AccioB00k:** I don’t think a simple sorry can fix this, Ginny

 

 **UnderDog:** Then let him fix it, Hermione

 

 **AccioB00k:** Why are you helping him?

 

 **UnderDog:** Because I see what this has done to you Hermione

 

 **UnderDog:** You’re more uptight than usual

 

 **AccioB00k:** I am not uptight!

 

 **UnderDog:** Eh, you’re a little uptight

 

 **UnderDog:** Which is what I love about you <3

 

 **UnderDog:** That and your smile…which I haven’t seen in a while

 

 **AccioB00k:** I’ll be fine

 

 **UnderDog:** Will you?

 

 **UnderDog:** At least consider this

 

 **UnderDog:** Whoever that girl was said that Slyther was part of some prestigious Pureblood family right?

 

 **AccioB00k:** Yeah

 

 **UnderDog:** And obviously that family follows that stupid blood status ideology

 

 **AccioB00k:** Please don’t remind me

 

 **AccioB00k:** Where are you going with this?

 

 **UnderDog:** I’m just saying…what if he’s like that because he feels pressured from his family?

 

 **UnderDog:** From what it sounds like they’d probably disown him for simply giving a Muggle-born the time of day

 

 **UnderDog:** The thought of my parents doing that scares me

 

 **AccioB00k:** And you’re not easily scared by many things

 

 **UnderDog:** True lol

 

 **UnderDog:** The point is, if it scares me it probably scares him even more considering that’s his reality

 

 **AccioB00k:** So what are you suggesting I do about that? I can’t exactly tell his parents off

 

 **UnderDog:** No, but you could give him a second chance

 

 **UnderDog:** Or at least the opportunity to explain himself

 

 **UnderDog:** If he really believed that Mudblood shit why is he trying so hard to reach you?

 

 **AccioB00k:** Ok

 

 **UnderDog:** Ok?

 

 **AccioB00k:** Fine I’ll follow your advice and talk to him

 

 **UnderDog:** YES! :D Alright!

 

 **AccioB00k:** Thanks, Ginny…I owe you one :)

 

 **UnderDog:** In that case…

 

 **AccioB00k:** Uh oh

 

 **UnderDog:** I’ve been developing a revenge prank on Fred and George for making my lip gloss swell up my lips

 

 **UnderDog:** And I could really use your help :D

 

 **_AccioB00k_ ** _has left the chatroom_

**UnderDog:** Hermione Jean Granger you cannot run away from me that easily!

 

 **UnderDog:** I’ll be waiting for you in the Common Room!!

 

 **UnderDog:** Operation: Hair Transformation is a go heh heh


	13. What We Are

_You are now chatting with SlytherInYourPants_

**SlytherInYourPants:** ACCIO?! :D

**AccioB00k:** Hello

**SlytherInYourPants:** I thought I’d never see you again

**AccioB00k:** My friend said you had something to say

**AccioB00k:** If she’s wrong I’m leaving

**SlytherInYourPants:** WAIT WAIT she’s right I have a lot to say actually

**SlytherInYourPants:** I just don’t know how to say it…

**AccioB00k:** Well figure it out soon because I don’t have all day

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m sorry

**SlytherInYourPants:** I’m sorry for being a complete ass, for not telling you everything

**AccioB00k:** Is it true?

**SlytherInYourPants:** What?

**AccioB00k:** That you bully Muggle-born students?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Accio I don’t really have a choice

**AccioB00k:** Just answer the bloody question

**SlytherInYourPants:** Yes…it’s true

**AccioB00k:** Why?

**SlytherInYourPants:** It’s just the way I was taught to see the world

**SlytherInYourPants:** How else would you think if the entire time, since the day you were born, all you hear are hurtful comments? And you get praised for joining in?

**SlytherInYourPants:** Don’t you have parents that you want to make proud?

**AccioB00k:** I already make them proud. By being myself.

**SlytherInYourPants:** See? I don’t have that

**SlytherInYourPants:** What I really needed to tell you was that…

**SlytherInYourPants:** I meant all of it

**AccioB00k:** All of what?

**SlytherInYourPants:** This

**SlytherInYourPants:** These chats

**SlytherInYourPants:** I wasn’t pretending, not like I usually do with other people

**AccioB00k:** And why is that? What makes me so special?

**SlytherInYourPants:** I don’t know to be honest

**SlytherInYourPants:** I guess it’s easier to talk like this, without seeing someone’s face

**SlytherInYourPants:** Or maybe it’s because of your appealing personality? ;)

**AccioB00k:** So is that it? I was just a means for you to release your teen angst?

**SlytherInYourPants:** No no! That’s not it

**AccioB00k:** That what is it?

**AccioB00k:** What am I to you, Slyther?

**SlytherInYourPants:** A friend

**SlytherInYourPants:** Probably the only one I have…and I don’t want to lose you


	14. Dear Hogwarts Students

_Dear Hogwarts Students,_

_Unfortunately, it seems the computers we installed a few weeks ago has harmed us more than we predicted it could benefit us. The teachers are having a difficult time re-writing their curriculum to fit the new technology. There have been many cases of computers blowing up due to confused or frustrated students, and the cost of having to buy new ones is too expensive. On top of all this, the staff have noticed that students experience an increase of procrastination because of the distractions of this new tech. Muggle-born students are more immune since they are used to having computers but others who have not experienced anything outside of the magical world are fascinated. That fascination lead to a decrease in academic studies._

_We’ve had several meetings about this and decided the only solution is to get rid of the computers immediately. What seemed like an amazing idea at the time turned out to be a complete failure. By the end of the week the computers will be gone from the library and studies will return back to normal. We are not sure if we’ll ever try this tactic again but we’re thinking on it. Maybe._

_It has also been brought to our attention that several Muggle-born students have brought their own personal computers for the lap. The staff has decided that these students may keep these devices but they are only allowed in their houses’ common rooms. If a computer of the lap is seen outside their common room it will be confiscated immediately. You can get your confiscated portable computer at the end of the school year._

_Let’s get back to work!_


End file.
